Comic-Con is in full gear in San Diego, and one of the big movies doing a final promotional push there is Michael Bay's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The CGI-assisted action flick is out August 8, and most people from our generation are already bracing for what will inevitably be a complete desecration of all that we held sacred as kids. But The Onion has outdone even Michael Bay, and put together a hilarious parody about the film's new CGI capabilities which will forever...taint...your TMNT memories.

You'll never look at Donatello's bo staff the same way again.