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Science Says There Are 4 Kinds of Drunks — Which One Are You?

Drunk
Wavebreak Media

There are all kinds of drunks in the world, right? Nope! That’s about as wrong as drinking wine out of a box.

New and very important research out of the University of Missouri has found that there are essentially four types of drunks.

Put down that tall boy, take the underpants off your head, stop incoherently singing “Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree” and pull up a chair because here comes the info you need.

These are the four types of drunks:

  • Hemingway” — A Hemingway, named for Ernest Hemingway, who claimed he could drink like a fish without it affecting him, does not undergo any kinds of change in behavior when inebriated. This is actually the most common type, with about 40% of people falling into this category.
  • Mary Poppins” — Ah, Julie Andrews must be so proud, right? This drinker is already friendly and only get friendlier when he downs some spirits.
  • Nutty Professor” — What do you call it when a shy, quiet person exhibits a bold, fun personality after having one too many? The Nutty Professor. This type of drunk lets out his inner extrovert, thanks to the magic of alcohol.
  • Mr. Hyde” — Beware if you find yourself in this drinker’s company. This is the person who gets belligerent, the proverbial guy looking for a fight. He is “particularly less responsible, less intellectual, and more hostile when under the influence of alcohol” and experiences “larger drunk decreases in conscientiousness and intellect and smaller increases in extraversion.”

And, now, for your viewing pleasure, here’s Will Ferrell as Frank the Tank getting hammered in Old School.

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