Robin Thicke Demonstrates Exactly How Not to Get Her Back

Robin Thicke is one of the corniest stars around, but there was always a dorky charm about him. Now, though, we're starting to think he's just a run-of-the-mill creep. First, he pens a rapey manifesto of the male gaze worthy of college lectures on the stunted sexual politics of our time. Then his wife, Paula Patton, left him and dude begins using his pop music platform to essentially stalk her through song: The new album is called Paula, the lead single is called "Get Her Back," and the video features a bloodied Thicke while argumentative and apologetic texts (presumably between the estranged lovers) pop up.

Robin Thicke has got to be fucking kidding.

While we have no idea if his pleas are swaying Patton, we can say with confidence that Thicke's recent behavior is an example of exactly what not to do when trying to get her back. If you want to reunite with your ex, basically do the opposite of what the crooner is doing. Namely:

1. Don't smother her. If you keep hounding your ex, how is she going to realize she misses having you around? She may not miss having you around, but at least let her find out if she does. That's a 50-50 prospect for you. If you're constantly nagging her, that's a war of attrition you will not win.

2. Don't pressure her.  Grand romantic gestures may work in the movies, but if she caves after you pull some of that boombox-over-the-head nonsense, it's probably just so you'll shut the fuck up and stop embarrassing her.

3. Don't make your (mild?) obsession with her public. Begging isn't a good look when it's only the two of you seeing it, so when her friends start witnessing it, you'll be up against the insurmountable cyclone of shit-talk her girls are feeding her.

4. Don't air your dirty laundry. You may not care if your shit's blowing in the wind, but there's two sides to the equation, so if you publicize your experience, she may feel her privacy is violated because she was the other half of that shit. The "Get Her Back" video features a text exchange that we are praying is fictitious, but imagine Patton's distress over the fact that either, A) her real conversation is now public, or B) dumbasses who watch the video will assume this was a real conversation anyway. She may have had no say in any of this.

5. Don't try to get your girl back with a video that features a very attractive, scantily clad other girl rubbing your bare chest. Seems self-explanatory.